Beware: Flying Food

Mom Lesson #2:

Cover food when you heat it up in the microwave.

You guys. I shit you not. I almost just had my eyesight taken by flying food when I opened the microwave. WE’RE TALKING MILLIMETERS PEOPLE. I was making my (daily) “Good job you made it through another workday!” plate of nachos, when BAM…out flies an errant tomato seed. And in that moment – between screams of anguish and trying to figure out what in the f was actually happening – I heard my mom’s voice telling me over and over again in high school – “PUT A PAPER TOWEL OVER THAT WHEN YOU HEAT IT UP FOR GOODNESS SAKE YOURE GETTING FOOD ALL OVER MY CLEAN MICROWAVE.” Ah Mom, right you are, right you are.

Also this means I should probably buckle down and finally buy some paper towels.

This week’s peaks:

• Mom’s cancer is only stage 2! This obviously takes the cake of good news. I was so happy in light of the news that “I told her Mom this is great! You only have like, training wheels cancer!” Sidenote- when someone has cancer, you probably shouldn’t say this to them They don’t appreciate it. Luckily my mother knows my affinity for putting my foot in my mouth, so she took it in stride.
• I made these Lemon Raspberry Sorbet Prosecco Floats. Take my word for it. You should make them too.
• I also got this camo bomber jacket on sale. I live in the midwest but this jacket is the closest you will ever get me to hunting. But seriously, it’s adorable and passed my “is this as comfortable as activewear” shopping rule.

This week’s pits:

• Obviously burning my eye out.
• I am having what I think (thank you WebMD) might be an exercise induced heart arrhythmia. I got an Apple Watch a month ago, and had suspected this might be happening before, but now that I have my watch I have proof on my heart rate monitor. Yesterday while at Crossfit, my heart rate hit 210. Scaaaary. I took this as a sign that I need to drink more wine to calm it down. Kidding people- I’m getting it checked out. Has anyone else experienced this?
• Kendall Jenner’s Pepsi Ad. Need I say more?

Happy Hump Day, y’all.